Giving advice: should, ought to, if I were you

🔊 المعلّمة تقرأ لك

« I wake up weeping at night and I no longer enjoy the simple pleasures of life as I used to. Please, tell me what I should do. » A secondary school student revising for the final examination writes to the advice column of a teenage magazine, and signs « Miserable ». You already know should, ought to and If I were you; this lesson makes sure you can use them to answer a letter like this one — with sympathy, and without giving orders. So how do you ask for advice, and how do you give it?

🎓في نهاية هذا الدرس ستكون قادرا على:

تقديم النصح بـ ⁦should⁩ و ⁦ought to⁩ و ⁦had better⁩ متبوعة بالمصدر، ونفيها ⁦shouldn’t, ought not to, had better not⁩
طلب النصيحة بـ ⁦What should I do?⁩، ووضع النفس مكان المخاطَب بـ ⁦If I were you, I would …⁩
التمييز بين النصح ⁦(should, ought to)⁩ والإلزام ⁦(must, have to)⁩ وانتفاء الإلزام ⁦(don’t have to)⁩
كتابة ردّ على رسالة تطلب النصيحة، في ثلاث فقرات: المواساة، ثمّ تحليل المشكلة، ثمّ النصائح

🔑يفترض هذا الدرس أنّك تتقن:

الأفعال الناقصة متبوعة بالمصدر دون ⁦to⁩
الجملة الشرطية من النوع الثاني ⁦(If I were …, I would …)⁩
التعبير عن الإلزام بـ ⁦must⁩ و ⁦have to⁩

1. Advice, obligation or no obligation?

الأفعال الناقصة لا تقول الشيء نفسه: ⁦should, ought to⁩ للنصح، و ⁦must, have to⁩ للإلزام، و ⁦don’t have to⁩ لانتفاء الإلزام.

To give advice, we use should or ought to + infinitive: « Some health specialists say that we should have a laugh from time to time. » Ought keeps its to; the negatives are shouldn't and ought not to (oughtn't to). Had better ('d better) has the same meaning as should and ought to, with a warning: you advise someone to do something because something bad might happen if they don't — « You'd better work harder; otherwise you might fail your exam. » Even though it looks like a past, its meaning is present or future; it is always followed by the infinitive without to, and its negative is had better not: « You look sick. You'd better not go to school today. »

Five sentences from the interview with a humourist

A. Comedy teaches us moral laws, i.e. what we must and mustn't do in society. B. Just as people have to get their cup of tea in the morning or in the afternoon, so they also have to get a hearty laugh at least once a day. C. Just as we don't have to eat unhealthy food, so we don't have to join in a laugh if we know that it can make us fall sick. D. Some health specialists say that we should have a laugh from time to time. E. We ought to be more careful about the type of humour we indulge in.

Task 1 — What meaning does each modal in bold convey?

علامَ يدلّ كلّ فعل ناقص مكتوب بالخطّ الغليظ: نصح، أم إلزام، أم انتفاء إلزام؟

A. must, mustn't — obligation and prohibition: the moral laws of society, what we are obliged to do and what is forbidden.
B. have to — necessity: a daily laugh is as necessary as a cup of tea.
C. don't have to — no obligation: nobody forces us to eat unhealthy food or to join in a laugh; the choice is ours.
D. should — advice: the health specialists recommend a laugh from time to time.
E. ought to — advice: the humourist recommends care about the humour we enjoy.

Only D and E give advice. A, B and C speak of obligation — or of its absence: « we don't have to » does not forbid anything, it leaves the decision to us.

2. Asking for advice and giving it

لطلب النصيحة نضع ⁦should⁩ قبل الفاعل: ⁦What should I do?⁩. وللنصح نستعمل ⁦should, ought to, had better⁩ أو ⁦If I were you, I would …⁩.

To ask for advice, put should before the subject: « Doctor, I'm a bit stressed these days. What should I do? » « Should I stop seeing my friends? » To put yourself in the other person's place, use If I were you, I would (I'd) + infinitive: « I wouldn't worry if I were you. » It is advice too — the gentlest of all, because you do not tell the other person what to do: you say what you would do.

Keys to happiness

1. Savour a moment. Live in the present and treasure the satisfaction of helping a friend, the pleasure of a good book, or a good laugh with the loved ones. 2. Take control of your time. Happy people set themselves big goals, then break them into daily duties. 3. Be positive. Evidence shows that negative emotions take their toll on us while positive ones boost the body's healing process. Happy people take steps to keep their negative emotions in check. 4. Give priority to close relationships. People with close friends cope better with stress. 5. Act happy. Experiments show that people who put on a happy face really do feel better. It seems that the facial muscles we use to smile widely trigger happy feelings in the brain. 6. Don't vegetate. Don't engage in self-absorbed idleness, or put yourself in front of the TV. Get involved in little jobs and do physical exercise to keep fit. From the Reader's Digest, December 1997, p. 97

Task 2 — Prepare a short dialogue between a school psychologist and a student. The student asks for advice; the psychologist gives it with appropriate modals, using the keys to happiness.

حضّر حوارا قصيرا بين أخصّائيّ نفسانيّ في المدرسة وتلميذ: يطلب التلميذ النصيحة، ويقدّمها الأخصّائيّ مستعينا بمفاتيح السعادة.

Student: Doctor, I'm a bit stressed these days. What should I do? Psychologist: First, you should take control of your time: set yourself big goals, then break them into daily duties. Student: Should I stop seeing my friends until the exam? Psychologist: No, you shouldn't. People with close friends cope better with stress. Student: And in the evening? I usually watch television for hours. Psychologist: If I were you, I wouldn't vegetate in front of the TV. You ought to do some physical exercise to keep fit. Student: Anything else? Psychologist: Yes — act happy! People who put on a happy face really do feel better. And you'd better keep your negative emotions in check: they take their toll on us.

Every piece of advice comes from one of the keys — and every modal is followed by the infinitive without to, except ought, which keeps its to.

3. A letter of advice

رسالة نصح: ردّ على رسالة تلميذ قلق في ثلاث فقرات — المواساة، ثمّ تحليل المشكلة، ثمّ النصائح.

A letter to the advice column of a teenage magazine

Dear Aunt Hillary, I'm a secondary school student revising for my final examination. Usually, I'm quite a cheerful person, but now I feel like an underdog. I run away from the company of my friends and I have become a very irritable person. I wake up weeping at night and I no longer enjoy the simple pleasures of life as I used to. Please, tell me what I should do. Miserable

The plan of a letter of advice

Paragraph	What it does	Useful language
1	expresses sympathy and reassurance	I'm sorry to hear that … · I wouldn't worry if I were you because … · It's only natural that …
2	analyses the problem	You are probably working too hard. …
3	gives advice and recommendations	You should … · You shouldn't … · You ought to … · You ought not to …

Do this alone, in writing. You are the agony aunt: reply to Miserable in three short paragraphs, following the plan. Use at least one should, one ought to, one negative and If I were you, and link your ideas with link words. Then read your letter aloud, paying attention to your intonation and to the pronunciation of the modals. Check: is every modal followed by the infinitive without to — except ought, which keeps its to?

أنت صاحبة ركن النصائح: ردّ وحدك على رسالة التلميذ في ثلاث فقرات، مستعملا ⁦should⁩ و ⁦ought to⁩ والنفي و ⁦If I were you⁩.

A model answer

Dear Miserable, I'm sorry to hear that you feel so unhappy. It's only natural that you feel tired and nervous before such an important examination, and I wouldn't worry if I were you: you have already taken the first step by asking for help. You are probably working too hard. You have stopped seeing your friends and enjoying the simple pleasures of life, so your negative emotions are taking their toll on you. First, you should take control of your time: set yourself goals, then break them into daily duties. You ought to see your friends again, because people with close friends cope better with stress. You shouldn't stay alone in front of the TV either; you ought to do some physical exercise instead. Finally, if I were you, I would treasure a good laugh with the people you love. Aunt Hillary

In the exam, advice is tested by rewriting a sentence with another form without changing its meaning — « You ought to be more careful » becomes « You should be more careful » or « If I were you, I would be more careful » — and a letter of advice can also be asked in the written expression. Have three things ready: ① should, ought to, had better + infinitive (ought keeps its to, should and had better do not take it); ② the negatives shouldn't, ought not to, had better not; ③ the plan of a letter of advice: sympathy, analysis of the problem, advice. ⚠️ The frequent mistake: confusing advice with obligation — « you don't have to » does not mean « you mustn't »: it means that you are not obliged to.

What I keep — To give advice: should or ought to + infinitive (we should have a laugh from time to time · we ought to be more careful), or had better when something bad might happen; the negatives are shouldn't, ought not to, had better not. To ask for advice: What should I do? To put myself in the other person's place: If I were you, I would … And advice is not obligation: must and have to oblige, mustn't forbids, don't have to leaves the choice to us.

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